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3 ladies come to heaven due to an accident.

They were welcome by an angel before entering heaven, "We have only 1 rule at heaven, never step on duck at heaven." Angel say. After made sure they had understand clearly, angel left and 3 of them enter into heaven.

However, ducks are everywhere... Extremely hard to avoid to step on ducks. Unfortunately, first lady step on 1 of ducks accidentally. Angel brought a very ugly man to her and told her immediately, "This is the punishment for you, you have to pass all the times with this ugly man, forever and ever." Angel tie both of them together.

The next day, another lady also accidentally step on duck. Again, angel brought another extremely ugly man to her. Same fate as previous lady.

With previous 2 fate and experience, third lady aware and carefully to walk at heaven. Hope not to tie with any ugly man and stay at heaven. So, double careful for every single step... This help lady passed a few months safely.

One day, angel appear in front of her together with a super handsome, tall, strong, and gentle man. Without saying any single word, angel left after tie both of them together.

Third lady asked:"Why I can stay together with you?".
Super handsome man answered:"Not sure about your situation, I just step on a duck..."

T.T

p/s: We use to criticize others, same as others. I am unique, same like everyone.

2 drunk men inside a pub.

Man A said:"Oh my god... Why I am so... so unlucky? My wife run away with all my money and property... I left nothing."

Man B said to Man A:"Hey mate, you know how lucky you are if compared with me? My wife took all my money and property, but she don't want to leave me..."

T.T

Adam:"God, why you create lady so beautiful?"
God:"Oh my dear, it will make you notice her."

Adam:"Then, why you create lady so attractive, so soft and so irresistible charm to me?"
God smile and answer:"It will make you fall in love to her."

Adam:"But... but how come she ... very stupid?"
God:"Great question, Adam. Only this will make her fall in love to you."

God :)

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took
down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents.

'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back the tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'

'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

Can't see anything...

Doctor perform daily test to one mental patient,

Doctor ask:"If I cut your right ear, what will be happened to you?"
Patient answer:"I cannot hear anything with right ear..."

Doctor satisfy with the answer then ask again:"How about If I cut your left ear after that?"
Patient answer:"Arrr... I cannot see anything.... Please don't do this to me, doctor..."

Doctor curious and seek answer from patient, "Why you can't see anything without ears?"
Patient answer:"My glasses will drop..."

Doctor T_T

Marriage?




All over the country on Valentine's Day, a man, Handsome were down on bended knee proposing marriage to his lover, Beauty. They spoke of love, affection and devotion in their life. Before Beauty said 'I do',

Beauty asked:"If we married, you have to amend and give up a lot of things. Firstly, no more smoking. Give up cigarette"
Handsome answer it gently:"No problem."

Beauty smile and ask again:"You have to temperance. Amend your bad drink habit."
Handsome answer it softly:"No problem."

Beauty happily and asked third question:"No more night club. Give up of clubbing life and spend most of the time with me."
Handsome answer:"No problem."

Beauty be more than satisfied and asked:"Anything else you have to amend or give up?"
Handsome answer immediately:"Yes, this proposal."

:P

Good doctor



Old patient said:"Doctor, I found my hearing worse..."
Doctor asked:"How you find out?"
Old patient answered:"I couldn't hear my fart sound anymore..."
Doctor seem understand about the sickness and talked to old man,:"Don't worry, I'll give you a good medicine."
Old patient happily asked:"Is that can cure my hearing?"
Doctor answered it very confidently:"Nope, this will make you fart sound louder"

:)

Time, China

One businessman first time travel from Beijing to Shang Hai for business meeting. Once arrived Shang Hai airport, he compared his watch with all the clocks at airport.

Looked at plenty of clocks,

China: 9am
Japan: 10am
USA: 17pm
.
.
.

Businessman soliloquized proudly as China citizen, "Compare with other countries, time for China is still the most precisely"

T_T

How I know?

In an asylum, a patient is writing a letter...

Nurse curiously ask:"Are you writing a letter? Who would you like to send to?"
Patient answer directly:"Oh, I am writing a letter to myself."
Nurse happily asked again:"Great! What is the content of the letter then?"
Patient shout loudly:"Oh my god! Are you sick, miss? I not yet receive it, how I know? "
Nurse:"..."

T.T

Handsome?

One day, I try to explain defination of handsome to students. Keep on thinking and embarrassed... Suddenly, student take one mirror to me. Now I know already :O

Recruitment: Clerk

A dog is wandering on the street and saw the recruitment notice on a shop window:

"Recruitment clerks: - Able to typing.
- Basic computer knowledges require.
- Proficient in both languages.
- Equal opportunity to everyone."

Dog go into the shop and apply, but was refused.

"I can not hire a dog to do things in the company." Manager said.

Dog is not convinced with the answer and then protest by pointing to the notice "Equal opportunity to everyone".

Manager asked: "Do you able to type?"

The dog went quietly before the typewriter and accurately hit a few letters.

"You know how to use a computer?" The manager asked again.

The dog sat in front of the computer then start to play game, write C language, C++, ASP.net, design web page accurately.

Manager lose his temper...

"I really can not hire a dog to do the job." Manager angrily shout at the dog.

"Even if you can type, well versed in computer, but I need an employee to be able to speak two languages. Can you?"

The dog looked up at the manager and bark: "Meow meow, Wow wow"

Manager: " ...... " (-_-''')

Make a wish

A pair of the same age couple together to celebrate their 60th memorable birthday. Suddenly, an angel appear in front of them.

Angel said: "I give each of you a wish."
60 years old wife, said: "I wish to travel around the world."
Angel said: "Easy! Easy!"

An air ticket travel around world appears on 60 years old wife hand.

Angel asked 60-year-old husband: "And you? What is your wish?"
60 years old husband answered:"Are you sure my wish will come true?"
Angel said: "I never lie to anyone."
Old Husband laugh and wish: "I hope now i can hug a lady about 30 years younger than me. HAHAHAHA"

Angel said: "I see. Easy job"

Old husband became 90 years old...

Homosexual Rooster

A rancher only breed one rooster out of 100 hens as rooster will not lay any egg. Day after day, rooster was getting older so rancher bought a younger rooster from market.

Senior rooster shout at young rooster:"Why you come over here? Get out! I still strong enough to handle all the hens here."

Young rooster respond innocently:"I... I..."
Senior rooster shout again:"Shut up! I no need an answer, I just need a solution. I don't believe I will lose to youngster. Let's try chase and catch me if you can. If you can't get me, you gonna out from here. If I lose, I will shut my mouth up and hand over 100 hens to you. You in charge then I leave."

So, competition start... Young rooster is running hardly to chase and try to catch senior rooster. Suddenly, 'BangBang' Rancher killed the young rooster then cursed....

"Damn it, this month so unlucky. Another gay cock was bought..."

Condom v.s. Sanitary

Condom shout:"I hate you, San. Everytime you start to work, I will be jobless for 7 days...."

Sanitary:"What the #$&!? Think about your safety. Everytime you careless during working, I will be jobless for 9 months..."